Tuesday, August 25, 2015

He's Cold. Very Cold.

Michael's obsession with James Bond is the reason that he's been cold for three years. 

The Bond film Skyfall came out in 2012. And since then, Michael cannot find a jacket he wants to buy. Because the jacket he wants to buy is worn by James Bond in that movie. And we cannot find a jacket that looks like it. He will not settle on any other jacket because the next jacket he buys has to look exactly like that one.

The dream coat. Good thing Michael's not
looking for the car, too.
Why don’t we just get the actual jacket? Because it costs over $500. So we are on the hunt for one with the same aesthetic. And I cannot count the number of stores we’ve visited, trying to find a coat that resembles the Skyfall coat.

Please understand that I do not have the Shopping Gene. Some people can go from store to store to store, finding joy in the hunt. I am not one of those people. I’m more of the get in, get it, and get out kind of shopper. So this endless search has driven me nuts. And the fact that it's gone on for years is also wearing on me.

The upside is the boy won't spend money on anything he doesn't love. The downside is he still doesn't have a coat.

As we did a little back-to-school shopping this weekend, we once again attempted to find a fall coat that he will agree to wear. In each store, I would ask him, “How about this one?” And each answer was negative. So I began holding up empty hangers asking if this one would work. Then I pretended to drape him in imaginary fabric asking how the fit felt. “Maybe you and the emperor with his new clothes can get together and do some shopping!”

As you can imagine, this did not go over well.

After going through several stores and finding nothing that would work, we landed in our gazillionth outerwear store. And when the sales clerk welcomed us and asked if we were looking for anything in particular, I finally told the truth:

“Yes. We are looking for an imaginary coat. I have no idea if it actually exists outside my son’s mind. If you can find that coat for me, I would be eternally grateful.”

The clerk, as you can imagine, had no idea what to say. Michael acted like he didn't know me. And we didn’t find anything. Again.

I’m beginning to think he’s going to be cold for a long, long time.