Tomorrow's Thanksgiving

(I love it when I come up with catchy headlines...)

As a descendant of John Alden, who came over on the Mayflower (there’s my claim to fame, useful at Thanksgiving time only), I think it's only appropriate I offer a list of things I’m thankful for:

I’m thankful it hasn’t snowed yet.

I’m thankful I didn’t have to wear a coat last night when I went grocery shopping.

I’m thankful I had the money to go grocery shopping.

I’m thankful I had three kids and a husband in the grocery store with me.

I’m thankful we had fun playing, “Who can find it fastest?!” in the grocery store.

I’m thankful for my church family.

I’m thankful for my pastors.

I’m thankful for my family, immediate and extended.

I’m thankful for parents who ask us to come home for Thanksgiving but understand when the best decision for us is to stay here.

I’m thankful they pouted a little about our decision.

I’m thankful to be hosting new friends for Turkey Day.

I’m thankful I don’t cry every time I think of Georgia now.

I’m thankful that I’ll probably cry at some point during the day tomorrow.

I’m thankful for my iPhone and laptop which keep me connected to the reasons I’ll cry a bit.

I’m thankful for the group of college students who come over twice a month.

I’m thankful for the drama group Michael, Amy and Rebecca are a part of, especially the directors who are grace personified.

I’m thankful Rebecca’s hamster hasn’t died yet.

I’m thankful Sean still has a job.

I’m thankful I’m not pregnant, but that my sweet cousin is.

I'm thankful for friends, old and new.

I’m thankful for the folks who spend part of their day reading my blog. Seriously, truly thankful. I wish I could give each of you a hug around the neck.

I’m thankful I know where all these blessings come from. (Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17)

I’m thankful I know God.

I’m especially thankful God doesn’t give me what I deserve, because if he did, I wouldn’t have a list like this.

Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;

Praise Him, all creatures here below;

Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;

Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Happy Thanksgiving, y’all.

The paparazzi would totally follow her

Frequently I’m dismayed when I read the Bible. Not necessarily because of what’s written (though often that perplexes me) but because of what’s left out. For example, in John 1:38-40, two men begin following Jesus. They ask him where he’s staying and Jesus says, “Come and you will see.”

The verses go on to say, “So they came and saw where he was staying, and they stayed with him that day for it was the tenth hour…”

It is clear a woman did not write The Gospel of John because if she had, we’d know where he stayed, what it looked like, who was there, what they were wearing, where the closest bathrooms were and what food was served. But no, all we get is, “…they came and saw where he was staying…” John, come on! Would it really have cramped your style to include a few details?

Please, before you get all cranky with me, know I am well aware the Holy Spirit inspired the authors of the Bible and I know God has included and excluded everything he saw fit. I get that, but I do crave some details, especially with stories that leave so many questions left unanswered. Like Esther.

I’ve read Esther many times, but honestly, now when I think about her story I picture the king as a giant pickle, Mordecai as a grape and Esther as a green onion with a strand of hair constantly in her eyes (thanks, VeggieTales). Desiring to eradicate the vegetable images from my mind I began reading Esther again last week. It only took me until chapter two to have lots of questions.

In the middle of the second chapter we find the king looking for a new queen. He had all the virgins of the land brought to him; Esther was included in this cattle call. He had been with many other young girls before Esther. But when it was her turn we learn, “And when Esther was taken to King Ahasuerus, into his royal palace … the king loved Esther more than all the women, and she won grace and favor in his sight more than all the virgins, so that he set the royal crown on her head and made her queen instead of Vashti. Then the king gave a great feast for all his officials and servants; it was Esther’s feast. He also granted a remission of taxes to the provinces and gave gifts with royal generosity.”

One night with Esther and the king makes her the queen, throws a soiree in her honor and puts the kibosh on taxes? Questions abound! What the heck did she do in there? She must have been pretty darn amazing to have the king put tax-gathering on hold. If a woman had written the book of Esther we’d have details, details, details! Like what Esther wore. And what the year-long beautifying ritual entailed. And what she ate. And didn’t eat. And what she said. And didn’t say. And other stuff I can't put in this family-friendly blog.

In our day and age of those is power writing memoirs can’t you just see the spin some publisher would put on Esther’s? “Read the words of the girl who became queen after one night with the king. Find out her beauty secrets and what really happened between the sheets!”

It would sell like hot cakes.

Again, please know I’m well aware God included exactly what he wanted. But questions about Esther certainly goes on my list of, “Things I’m going to ask when I get to Heaven.” Right next to, “What’s up with the dinosaurs?” and, “Why didn’t you miraculously incinerate all of Paul Crouch’s clothes and Jan Crouch’s wigs?”

Friday Funnies

My friend Terri posted a literal video version of Total Eclipse of the Heart on her Facebook page (warning: it's hilarious but not entirely family-friendly). One good time-waster deserves another, so I spent about 30 minutes watching many, many more literal video versions of some of the best songs from the 80's - this was my fav. Ah, Journey, how I love you.

I almost didn't click on this one because the title is, "Cop Fail" and who wants to mock a policeman? But I'm glad curiosity got the best of me because this is an incredibly comical 911 call:

This is too stinking funny. I don't care if you think Osteen is great (if you do you're reading the wrong blog), when he gets to the part about Carl shutting the baby up, cross your legs because it's pee-in-your-pants hysterical. (I suppose if you haven't had three children you don't need to cross your legs. And yes, Mom, I'm going to get that little problem checked out.)

If you have any great videos or cartoons that I could use on Fridays please feel free to send them my way. There's a nifty little, "Contact Me" button up there - use it! I'll gladly give you credit and a big ol' thank you!

Happy weekend, y'all!

No pets allowed (except Rascle)

I am not an animal lover. I don’t enjoy being licked by dogs or having my pants treated like scratching posts by cats. When we moved to Michigan one of the only bright spots was getting to find a new home for our dog. “You know, kids,” I said, “Buster’s a Southern dog and he just wouldn’t do well in the cold, harsh Michigan weather.”

My pet disdain is not limited to furry things; I’m not even a fan of fish. They may seem like ideal pets for someone who doesn’t want to actually interact with an animal, but you do have to clean the tank and replace the filters and that, my friend, can be a really, really gross job.

(Hey, all you animal lovers: stop the hating – you’re going to love me in about 400 words.)

While I would like to completely ban all living animals from our home, I realize having pets is good for the kids. All three children have fish, and Rebecca has a hamster. Michael and Amy each had a hamster several years ago but those little guys moved on to wherever dead hamsters move to. Rebecca’s hamster, Rascle, has lived longer than either of our previous hamsters; he’ll be two in January.

Given my obvious disdain for pets, no one was more surprised than I when I found myself, at 11:30 Monday night, trying to rescue Rascle from his new cage, a cage with an apparent death ledge.

Even the most hard-hearted animal hater couldn’t hate Rascle. He’s patient and sweet and Rebecca will be quick to tell you he’s only bitten her once, “And that was when he was getting used to me.” His cage was getting a little wobbly, and the thought of that little guy escaping was not one I cared to entertain, so we bought him a new habitat Monday.

It looked good but when we got home and put Rascle in it we realized he was not using the ladder to get down; he was simply jumping off the ledge.

Hamsters have no depth perception (there’s your fun animal fact for the day), so instead of realizing the ledge ended, Rascle simply thought he was walking onto more bedding. It was only a few inches down, but he's only a few inches tall. Falling the length of your body is significant.

When I realized Rascle was repeating his misstep I blocked off the ladder and resolved to exchange the new cage for one without the Step of Death.

Rebecca, Amy and I went to the pet store after school Tuesday to pick out a new cage. After we doubled our investment Rebecca walked out holding a deluxe hamster habitat. And since Rascle was waiting for us in the car, we needed to put it together post haste.

I figured she could snap it together as we drove to our next errand but it was a bit more involved than I’d anticipated. I stopped the car and helped her put the cage together so Rascle could be rescued from the cardboard box that was his temporary residence.

We got it all snapped together and introduced Rascle to his new digs; he seemed pleased. And really, why wouldn’t he be? Two stories, fresh water bottle, new food cup, and no Step of Death.

I may not be a dog/cat/fish person but this little hamster... well, I won’t go so far as to say I’m a hamster person, but that little guy has certainly worked his way into my heart. Lack of depth perception and all.

(Animal lovers, don’t you feel badly for thinking such terrible things about me a few paragraphs ago?!)

Rebecca and me trying to put the cage together in the backseat of the car:

Rascle in his new home - see him in the top of the cage?

Here's his new habitat in our habitat:

| Be Positive! |

A few weeks ago I overheard our math tutor telling Michael that 9 minus 32 equals positive 23. Now, the reason we have a math tutor is because I do not do math. But hoo boy, I sure as heck know that 9 minus 32 is most certainly not positive 23.

I stuck my head in the room and saw this on the board: | 9-32 | Normally I try to stay out of the school room when math’s going on but I couldn’t help myself. I asked our tutor, “What is with that! How can it be positive?”

Our tutor, Sheri, knows my mathematical limitations and patiently explained that they were discussing absolute value. Apparently those two little lines around the numbers make the answer positive. “So,” I queried, “any time you put those lines around a problem the answer will always be positive?” “Basically, yes,” she said. I could tell she was deciding whether or not to go into greater detail so I hightailed it out of there. "Be positive" was enough for me!

Well, let me tell you, I am positive I never learned that in math class because I would have remembered two such magical lines. “From now on,” I said, “I think I’m going to hold up my hands on the side of my face and say, ‘Stay positive!’” Ah, there’s nothing like math humor…

For the last two weeks I’ve been doing my little absolute value hand thing anytime someone looked a bit glum or I needed to encourage a positive attitude in my charges. I was having a positively marvelous time with my newfound bit of math knowledge. That was until I talked about it with a group of college students who were over for dinner.

Twice a month we host these students, who serve in leadership positions with our church’s college outreach. Our group of seven is eclectic to say the least; one is in PR, another in animal sciences and someone else is in education. And then there’s Mike, who’s majoring in a math/science-related field - I want to say biochemistry. He and my mechanical engineering major husband have gotten along fabulously, talking all about math and science and that stuff I generally ignore. But with my newfound absolute value knowledge and the nifty hand motions that go with it I felt I had something to add to the discussion.

After I gave my spiel on absolute value and demonstrated my hand motions, Mike said, “Um, yeah, that’s true that the numbers are positive but it doesn’t mean the numbers are positive.” My spirits were sinking. He continued, “What absolute value really describes is the distance of the number away from zero. And since distance can’t be negative, you get a positive number.”

“But the number is positive, right?” I asked, desperate not to lose my fun little hand motions and motivational phrase, “Be positive!”

Mike, who, from all I can tell, is a great guy, must have sensed he’d become the killer of joy because he quickly backtracked, “Oh, yes! It’s positive! Your hand motions still work.”

I knew he wasn’t being totally honest, and later that night Sean explained the concept which I do, amazingly enough, understand. But I’m not letting those facts get in the way of my very fun new hand motions. When someone looks a little worn out or gets a bit whiny I’m still going to put both hands on the side of my face and say, “Be positive!”

Friday Funnies

Sean and I loved the show Whose Line is it Anyway? Our favorite skit was the one with all the props. I spent a good 30 minutes watching all the ones I could find on YouTube - that's the dedication I give you, my dear Friday Funnies readers!



A little math funny:


see more Epic Fails

Ouch:



I spent the first 36 years of my life not liking musicals. Then I saw Wicked and had to change my tune a bit... I wouldn't say I've fallen in love with the genre but I certainly do enjoy a good musical number now and again. Still haven't seen a full episode of Glee but I do like their clips on YouTube:



Happy weekend!

Remembering

I was in Sam's yesterday. I only had a few minutes - the kids were at piano lessons and I needed to get back to pick them up. I was on the soap aisle looking for body wash and found it but couldn't get to it; an elderly man was standing in my way. He looked perplexed and completely oblivious to my presence, or my need for bath soap, or my time crunch. He just stood there, staring at the shelves.

Hoping not to startle him but also hoping to get his attention so I could reach around him, I said, "Hello." He turned to me and asked if I knew about some stomach pill that used to be right here. He said it was in a purple bottle and started with an O. I didn't, and said it was probably on the other aisle over where the OTC medicines were. "Really, sir, I think the next aisle will be your best bet." He shuffled on, looking for his medicine.

He was an ordinary older man looking for his pills. I should have been able to move along with my business, but I couldn’t. He was wearing a hat emblazoned with WWII Veteran and an American flag. As I scrambled to get the soap and cheese and notepads (don't you love Sam's?) I couldn't stop thinking of that man. I ran into him again a few rows down and he still didn't have his pills. All I could think was, Veterans’ Day is tomorrow; for crying out loud, the man is a WWII vet. The least I can do is try to track down the medicine for him.

I didn't have much to go on: purple bottle, name starts with O, helps with stomach problems. I searched the few aisles I thought would be the best bet but came up empty. I know, it would be a much better story if I’d found the pills. But they were nowhere to be found, and quite honestly, I’m not sure the gentleman knew exactly what he was looking for. Regardless, I did try and I’m thankful I did. I got to spend several minutes talking with someone who gave up a portion of his life to earn my freedom. Giving up a few minutes of my day pales in comparison. No, there is no comparison.

Thank you, veterans. Thank you for serving your country, for serving me. And a special thank you to my family members who served: Dad (Air Force), my father-in-law Chuck and Sean's uncle Beau (National Guard), Sean's Aunt Suzie (US Army Nurse Corps), Sean's Uncle John (Air Force), my cousin Dawn (Navy JAG Corps) and my cousin Beth’s husband, Norm who is currently serving in the Marines.

Happy Veterans’ Day.