Saturday, November 01, 2008

Eggs on counter top = bad

Hey guys out there! I have a little head’s up for you:

If, one morning on the way out the door to work, you discover a dozen eggs sitting on the counter that your wife forgot to put away the night before, please don’t put them in the fridge. I realize you will have to fight the urge to solve an apparent problem, but in order to be truly helpful you will need to think about the entire situation. Again, I realize this may be difficult if you are walking out the door at 5 in the morning, but still, you must think further than, “Eggs belong in the refrigerator.” You must think, “Eggs belong in the fridge. These are warm and have obviously been sitting out all night. I should throw them away.”

However, if you do put them in the fridge, it would behoove you to tell your wife that before she bakes an 11-egg casserole which not only calls for nearly a dozen eggs but a pound of sausage, fresh red pepper and chives, and diced potatoes.

But, I suppose if you do finally remember to tell her it is best that you do so before she serves the casserole. Yes, that would be good.

Not really great, though. What would be better is if you threw out the freakin’ eggs when you found them warm on the counter top. And what would be even better than that? Once you discover the room temperature eggs you think back to the night before, ponder what your wife was doing, remember that it was an incredibly stressful evening, remember also that it was day one of her period and, upon remembering that, you not only decide to toss the eggs and pick up another dozen on your way home from work, you also bring home a pint of Haagen Daz Vanilla Swiss Almond ice cream.

Yes, that would be best.

But non-grocery shoppers, remember: we primary grocery shoppers will settle for simply being told the eggs were left out.

I have to go to the store.