Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I'll cover that one

Dear Doctor,

I brought my daughter in for a check-up. She turned 11 and there were shots to be had, which I expected. What I didn’t expect was a lecture from you about Facebook, websites, helmets, guns, drugs, tobacco, alcohol and sex.

Last time I checked, I’m the mom. Remember me? I was the one sitting there in the room, the person you kept saying, “You can talk to your mom about all of this, right?”

I let you go too long. I should have stopped you at Facebook, but I thought you’d move along. Move along you did, right to the internet and how important it is to only email and chat with people she knows. I sat there, shell-shocked, which is why I didn’t say anything when you started talking about drugs. And alcohol. And cigarettes.  By the time you’d moved to “reproductive health,” I’d gotten my wits about me and said, “I’ll take care of that conversation. Thank you.”

Dear, dear doctor, I am so appreciative of you. I come to you and pay a lot of money for you to diagnose physical problems. I do not come to you to talk to my children about drugs and sex and internet usage. Are they teaching that in med schools these days?

Surely I cannot be alone in wanting you to simply be a doctor and not a school counselor. I have to believe kids get this kind of stuff at school – after all, the drug and alcohol portion of our program was sponsored by the DARE program according to you. “You know, they talk about this in middle school. Since you’re homeschooled I wasn’t sure your mom had talked with you about this.” Yes, that’s right, Dr. Doctor; we homeschoolers live under rocks and are immune to the cultural influences of Budweiser and Marlboro.

I usually cut people some slack if they have misconceptions of homeschoolers, but we’ve gone to your practice for five years. In all those five years you have never, ever seen my hair in a bun or my body in a jean jumper. I am not that kind of homeschooler.

When I took Michael for his 15 year old physical, you started to talk about birth control and I ended that conversation. I never in a million years thought that would come up at an 11 year old’s check-up.

Dr. Doctor, I am thankful for you. I am in awe of all you’ve had to memorize. I know you had long, sleepless nights on call. I am grateful for all your training. But I’m grateful for your medical training. I do not want you to discuss social issues with my children. Please leave that to me, the mom, and I’ll leave the diagnostics to you.

Sincerely,
Christy

14 comments:

  1. Anonymous10:08 AM

    I felt the same way...I took Alyssa to blood clotting clinic at Sparrow...after seeing many dr.s and nurses...in walked a social worker and started to ask Alyssa if she liked her mom and dad...does she get along with her siblings..and so forth..I was shocked!!! I should have stopped her but it was such a whirl wind!!Let me be the parent..thank you ..Sparrow..I know where they can cut their budget!! Let the social workers go from the clinics!! It was ridiculous!!!

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  2. melman - I know what you mean about the whirlwind of information. I was so caught off-guard! At least I'll know to start with, "Just the medical facts, please," when I take Amy in the fall.

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  3. Chef Cookaloni10:57 AM

    What was the Doctor/Social Worker/School Counselor's take on guns? WebMD is remarkably good for diagnostics... and way cheaper.

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  4. Chef - I'm supposed to have all guns and ammo locked in separate places and when she goes to a friend's house, I'm to interview the parents to see if there are any guns available. The implication was I am a bad parent if, (a) I own guns and (b) I let my child play with people who do.

    Man, imagine what would have happened if I'd said I was carrying... I'm going to be so much more prepared when I take Amy! This could be fun!

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  5. Holy moly! I'd have been as taken aback as you, believe me. But like you, I'd be ready next time ...

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  6. Wow!! Very well said. You? Jean jumper and a bun in your hair-now, that would be very interesting to see :)

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  7. Wow. His intrusion was incredibly condescending toward you. I don't know where this campaign comes from. There are undoubtedly young patients that doctors worry about, but this guy ought to know your family well enough after 5 years, to know you aren't slipshod parents who are misinforming, or endangering your children.

    I suspect they're getting articles and conference seminars on how so many doctors "knew" a child was being neglected and did nothing, then tragedy struck, yadda, yadda.

    But surely they ought to use some judgment as to when it's needed. Tell him to save it for the slackjawed parents who come in with booze on their breath.
    {grumble grumble}

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  8. That's bananas! I would have been red in the face.

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  9. Catherine - all I can do is be ready. Or better yet, find a new doctor!

    praguegirl - no jean jumper or bun for me!

    NftP - I think the condescension was the worst. And it was horribly intrusive - wish I'd had those words when I wrote it!

    MHWTV - Definitely bananas!

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  10. Don't blame you for considering a change of doctors, but if it were me, i'd write him a letter first. There are lots of doctors but good ones are rarer, and starting with a new one is a pain of forms and background info, as well as the uncertainty of whether he'll be a good one.

    And the way this quasi-parental lecture has popped up really does suggest some kind of Nannyism directive from the state board. Which means you'll run into it again, and that would be more of an uphill battle with a new doctor who hasn't known your family.

    And SOMEBODY needs to explain to this guy that he needs to think about which patients need such micro-managed oversight and which don't! But that's just me and as you know, i'm in a combative mood recently. 8~)

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  11. He very well may be a wackadoo, but another idea is that either he is required to do some sort of "counseling" as part of his annual exams, or can up-code (read bill more) by spending a certain amount of time doing "counseling."

    For example, when we used to counsel patients on stopping smoking, and spent at least 10 minutes doing it, we had the option of adding a special charge to their visit that was reimbursed by medicare. Granted, getting people to stop smoking is a worthwhile goal vs. the "parenting" he was trying to do, but that's a whole other story...

    Don't know how it works in pediatrics, just wanted to add another viewpoint. :)

    Katie

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  12. NftP - thanks for writing this. I think you're correct that I at least owe the doc a letter. I don't relish the idea of switching. (Hope you're hanging in there - you've been on my mind a lot lately.)

    Katie - more good info. Thanks for letting me know.

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  13. Anonymous12:26 PM

    That is really crazy! Especially since you've been going they're for a while now. Good job saying, we'll handle it at home.
    My oldest is turning 11 in a month, so I'm going to keep my ears open!
    Yvonne

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  14. Yvonne - glad you got a head's up! Hope it's not needed. Thanks for reading!

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Hey! Thanks for commenting - I really appreciate it!