Heartbreaking

As I type this, I’m sitting in McDonald’s, where I hang out during Rebecca’s geography class. I get my fill of fountain Diet Coke and free Wi-Fi, and the gas tank gets a rest. I’m reasonably well-dressed, my hair is done and I have on make-up. I’m doing a pretty good job of looking like everything’s fine. No one would guess my heart is breaking.

I can barely contain my tears as I think about my aunt, whose scan yesterday showed the tumor in her brain has grown. The options are few; she’s already exhausted chemo and radiation treatments. When the tumor was diagnosed, she was given 17 months. That was 15 months ago.

If only this tumor knew my aunt! This is the wonderful woman whose conversion to Christ was the catalyst to my Mom’s entire family becoming Christians. This is the woman who has faithfully prayed for me and Sean and our children. This is the woman who has believed, hoped and endured all things for me and our whole family. She is the picture of love.

If the tumor knew all that, it would pack its bags and get out of her brain.

With Aunt Sue last September

If only we could reason with it. If only we could tell that tumor all the amazing things about Aunt Sue, all the people she’s loved, all the people who love her…

But there’s no reasoning with a glioblastoma. There is only coming to terms, terms set by the tumor. And we have no choice but to agree.

We believe in God. We believe in prayer. We believe God hears prayers. And we have been praying! We are begging God for healing, for complete and utter miraculous healing that would stun the medical community and give my aunt and uncle a platform to proclaim the amazing power of our good God!

But they have never needed a platform to proclaim God’s goodness. They do it because it’s who they are. And as they've traveled this journey they didn't ask to take, they've done just that.

I believe God is sovereign. I believe God knows best. I believe God cares for us. I will lean into that head knowledge and hope beyond hope that it makes its way to my heart.

And I will again, for the umpteenth time, follow the lead of Aunt Sue and Uncle Johnny, who continue to proclaim God's goodness in the midst of their pain. God, let me be half as faithful as they are.

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If you’re the praying sort, my family covets your prayers for Aunt Sue, Uncle Johnny and their family. Thanks.