Who's the boss?

“Children, obey your parents,” is a verse oft quoted by parents. Of course it is! What parent doesn’t dream of the peaceful home full of obedient children? We all do! But as we’re in dreamland focusing on the kid’s responsibility, we overlook the requirement for us in that verse: we have to give our children something to obey.

I have spoken to far too many parents who’ve told me their greatest responsibility is to allow their children to explore and experience their world. Setting limits would restrict that exploration.

Pretty sure you want to set a limit on your little one’s exploration of the outlet. Or the stove. Or the street.

We are supposed to set limits for them. We are supposed to teach and train them. We are supposed to tell them when something is dangerous and protect them from hurting themselves. All of this requires us to give direction and then to expect obedience from our little ones.

When parents balk at this, I remind them that I didn’t dream this up - I’m not out to be the kiddo killjoy. This responsibility comes from the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” We are to be loving and responsible so as not to provoke them to anger, but clearly we are to discipline them.

In our culture the word, “discipline” has gotten a bad rap. But look at the definition: Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement. When you boil it down, discipline simply means to train. And because Scripture tells kids to obey means parents have been given the responsibility to train them in this obedience.

I love what my friend Katie had to say about this: “When we ever get to a place of what seems like anarchy, I remind my kids that GOD has given me authority over them!” Katie gets it; she has been placed in authority over her kids. It’s up to her to quash the anarchy. (And knowing her like I do, I have no doubt she does it with a great sense of humor.)

Be encouraged, moms and dads! God gave you your children and put you in authority over them. When we remember that we are the ones responsible to teach and train our babies, we can move forward in confidence. Don't be afraid to exercise your authority. Your kids need you to be the boss.

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In the coming posts, I’ll be talking about what loving discipline and training looks like. Here’s a sneak peek: It looks a lot like a downhill skier training before the snow even falls.

It's a tricky one

I have been struggling mightily with whether or not I should publish posts on parenting. I want to talk about it because I am concerned for how I see things going in the larger culture, but also in my little sphere. I want to encourage moms and dads, but I also want to plead with them to step it up in the discipline department. And that’s where the struggle gets real: in no way do I want to suggest I have all the answers (my kids will set you straight on that!) or that I have done everything right, as if there is such a thing in parenting. But I have seen some things work better than others, and because I am around so many parents of young children, I sense a real burden to let them know the cultural phenomenon of laissez-faire parenting is not the way to go.

I publish the next few posts with great fear and trepidation. But I cannot shake the thought that I have something to offer parents of young kids. Again, not because I did everything right, but because I made mistakes and it would be sweet to help newer parents avoid some of them. They’ll have their own to make, of course, but if there’s any wisdom to be gained from my 21 years as a mom, I would like to share it.

Today's post was written as an intro to the next several posts on parenting. I guess this is the intro to the intro.

So here goes…

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My baby gets her driver’s license next week. My baby. Driving. As I updated our insurance information, I realized that we’re adding a driver now, but in May will take one off since our oldest is graduating from college and has a job lined up. As I made the changes, all I could think was, “Man, time flies.”

I know, I know. All moms with older kids say that. And all moms with younger kids don’t believe it. Or they believe it in theory but reality – with kids not sleeping through the night and dirty diapers and cheerios all over the floor – feels very, very slow. I remember not believing it. But that was before I blinked twice and saw my baby behind the wheel of my car.

The weightiness of the reality that the time we have to shepherd our kids is short is propelling me to write more about parenting. I want to encourage moms and dads to take advantage of their kids’ younger years to instill a sense of respect and discipline in them. I want parents to hear from someone who can say without equivocation that setting boundaries for her kids made all the difference. Expecting obedience on the first ask, not the third or fourth was good for the kid and the family. I want young families to know that loving your kids is not enough. You have to love them enough to let them not like you for a time. You have to love them enough to say, “I know better.”

How counter-cultural is that – a parent actually says out loud that she knows better than her child!

Yes, I know there’s a balance. Strict, domineering parenting may lead to a peaceful home because rules are obeyed. And a rule-free home may seem peaceful because there are no disagreements since everyone is free to do as he sees fit. But neither actually teaches obedience or gets to the heart of the child. Obviously the sweet-spot is in-between the two extremes. There’s discipline and love. Obedience and appreciation.

Parents, you're in charge. Act like it. Yes, love on your kids. But don’t love without discipline. Don’t love without requiring obedience. That is a sure-fire way to have your kids loathe you. A foolish person despises instruction. Don’t let that be your kid.