My Personal Wardrobe Malfunction

I brought my computer into the family room to write something but I can’t remember what – I’m distracted by Tom Cruise in Top Gun… oh, honey, it’s such a shame he went all crazy Scientologisty on us.

Anyway, it was a wild week. The kids auditioned for a musical (Suessical the Musical – say that five times fast). They have to wait until Friday to find out if they made the cut – what they don’t understand is the waiting is just as hard on the mommy.

I helped at the auditions – filing paperwork, cleaning up. Mundane stuff but stuff that needed to be done and it helped me forget that the kids were nervous and that I was nervous for them.

This drama group is the most organized home school organization I’ve ever witnessed. They have policies and procedures that help it run like a well-oiled machine. One policy I’m thankful for is the dress code. No exposed midriffs, no low-cut blouses, no skin tight anything. And before we left for auditions I checked the girls’ shirts to make sure they fit the dress code.

Too bad I didn’t check mine.

I’d been helping for a few hours when the production manager, a good friend, took me aside to let me know my blouse didn’t meet the dress code. It was a bit too low-cut and if I wanted to wear it again I needed to put a tank top under it.

My first reaction: mortification. I could not believe I had on an offending top. I have never broken a dress code rule in all my life. But after I got over the shock of being told my shirt was showing too much décolletage I cracked up! I’ve wondered what it was like to be scandalous – now I know! (Of course, in a room full of home school moms it doesn’t take much to be scandalous but I’m not letting that take away my moment in the sun.)

The reason the shirt was a bit loose is I lost 15 pounds this summer. Great news, right? Not exactly. The entire 15 pounds came from boobs. No joke. I’ve got lots of places I need to drop 15 pounds; the girls were not one (or two) of them. I barely filled out a B cup as it was thanks to nursing for three big babies for three solid years. (Of course, what I mean by that is I’m so thankful I was able to provide my beautiful children with essential nutrients from my very own body…) I finally lost some weight that had been hanging on since Rebecca’s birth and my body decided it should shed the pounds from my chest? I guess it figured the girls were almost gone, might as well wipe ‘em out completely.

I told my friend I would most certainly correct my wardrobe malfunction, then let her in on why I was laughing about it. She’s also a mother of three and I could tell she totally understood.

I think I should start a club – Big Only Once, Baby or something like that...